Ahmard Vital - When Grieving Turned Into an Inspiration

Welcome, listeners, to the Let's Talk About Grief show. Today, I am truly humbled and honored to introduce our next guest, Ahmard Vital, a motivational consultant, international speaker, and author of I Am More Than Enough. He's empowering people globally with his inspiration, guidance, and tips for self-development. 

Ahmard provides audiences with the tools needed to achieve personal success, utilize willpower determination, and have them develop strategies that will allow all ages to achieve personal and professional excellence. And I'm certain he's going to inspire and motivate you, dear listeners, so you too can begin your transformative journey with grief and embrace healing and hope, as many of my other guests have!

Here's what we talk about:

• How Ahmard loss became the source of his greatest inspiration.
• Changing one's perspective can be the path to recovery from grief.
• What positive outcomes can result from experiencing loss?
• How has facing challenges and adversity in life contributed to your personal growth and identity?
• And much more!

 Connect with Ahmard Vital!

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ahmardvital/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ahmardvital

You don't have to grieve alone, as a coach I can help support you. To discover how grief coaching can help you please book a FREE call with me

To access your FREE resource 12 Ways to Heal https://www.understandinggrief.com
Connect with me:

Website: https://www.understandinggrief.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/annedebutte
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/reconnectfromgrief

Transcript

Anne : 0:10

Hello and welcome listeners to the let's Talk About Grief podcast. If you've followed or listened to previous episodes, you'll know I like to offer hope by sharing my guest stories with you. You get to hear how they have navigated their own grief, which can be both helpful and healing, knowing you too can move forward after a loss. If this is your first time and you don't know me, I'm Anne , your host and author of Grief Subbis, and this is part of my mission to help demystify grief. Hello and welcome listeners to the let's Talk About Grief with Anne Show.

Anne : 1:00

Today, I am truly humbled and honoured to introduce our next guest, armand Vitale. A motivational consultant, international speaker and author of I Am More Than Enough, he's empowering people globally with his inspirational guidance and tips for self-development. Armand provides audiences with the tools needed to achieve personal success, utilise willpower, determination and have them develop strategies that will allow all ages to achieve personal and professional excellence. I'm certain he's going to inspire and motivate you, dear listeners, also, so you too can begin your transformative journey with grief and embrace healing and hope, as many of my other guests have. Welcome, armand, thank you for having me. You're so welcome. I'm looking forward to hearing about your last story and how you climbed back from the darkness of grief. As you've mentioned, that was a pretty inspiring bio I just read, but there's a bit more of a backstory to it. You just didn't create that. You were in a different life, I believe. I'm just wondering how did your father's death shape your perspective on life and drive you towards your personal growth?

Ahmard: 2:46

You know I've gone on record in recent times and again thank you for having me on Saying that my father's death could be one of the single most greatest blessings to ever happen to me. The interesting thing was, as most of you who are your audience, who are dealing with grief, you don't see grief like that. In the moment, you see it as my life is over, this is the most devastating thing. I'll never come on the other side of this. Luckily, god spoke to me the night that it did happen, because I went into it from the standpoint of saying you know, if your words are true, you'll never leave nor forsake me. Then why have you taken someone who you knew was so important to me? In that moment, the voice spoke to me. While I'm crying and pouring out my life, I'm just like what am I supposed to do? My mother's in there, my sister's in there, my siblings are in there. You want me to take over the family. Right now, in my state of mind, at 33 years old, the still small, beautiful, angelic voice told me you wanted your father to walk out of here, but he's going to walk out of here at you in this moment. I want you to go out there and do what your heavenly father and your chosen father has asked of you to go out there and do the work that you're called to do, and do it in a way that you know is going to make not only impact but to be part of your ministry. At the time I leaned in on some of that but I didn't fully embrace it because I still was as they teach us in the speaking profession like hey, keep this part of your life, your ministry, your spirituality, keep a lot of that over there. Let's say I asked for it. Monday through Friday, you stick to business.

Ahmard: 4:37

Within the past three to four years I've just rejected that it took my father dying to be part of a four-step process to get me to the place now where my ministry is part of my business. It's not all of it, but Ahmard Vital is going to show up. The Ahmard Val who's a ministry leader. The Ahmard Vital who's a prayer partner. The Ahmard Vital who goes on mission trips. The Ahmard Vital who is a regular and a staple leader at the church that's who's showing up.

Ahmard: 5:08

Even though I might be going into a corporation, I may be going into a nonprofit, I may be going into a school. The spirit of God goes before me. The Holy Spirit goes before me. I'm not going to shy away from the fact that the only reason why I'm here, the only reason why I have life, the only reason why I'm breathing and can do the things I do, is because God has given me the strength and has called me to do certain works. I'm not going to not state that when asked. That would be the impact that my father dying way back in 2011. That was a huge part of the man who was able to be on a podcast. Even like this. I wouldn't have probably been doing this, probably even seven or eight years ago.

Anne : 5:57

So it sounds as if you're bringing your whole, authentic self. People are getting to know our man who he truly is, not the facade. As you meet with leaders, as you said, God precedes you. What would you say to somebody listening that? Well, it's fine for him, but I don't believe in God. How can they wrap their heads around it? When I've coached clients, they have actually turned their backs on God. They blamed God for the person departing. Any thoughts on that?

Ahmard: 6:43

They have a right to feel how they want to feel. I'm not excusing that because I was upset with God. I didn't curse God, but I was very loudly screaming at him about what do you want me to do with this? I'm sitting up there quoting the scripture back to you as if you don't know it. It's your love that absolutely created it. For those who turned from God, and maybe saying that God has abandoned them First, I would tell them that that's absolutely not possible. God will never fail anyone who can hear my voice right now. God loves you too much. God gave everything for you to even have life.

Ahmard: 7:31

It's not easy to accept the fact that everything that goes on in your life every tragedy, every good, every birth, every death, everything is for the good of God's people. That's not my opinion. That is the word I like to share with people a lot of times when they say I've turned from God. God has taken all these things from me. It's just like you're still here. Let's embrace that for a second.

Ahmard: 8:04

You're still alive, which means you still have an opportunity, which means you still have a chance. And if you believe that life is a blessing and you're still alive, that's already one reason to thank God that you are still alive, and many times it may take some years, but you almost have to look at. Would you be who you were if all you did was win? If all you did was have happy, blissful, just great happy days every day, would you be who you are? Would you have a life philosophy? Would you have a story? Would you be able to help others? Like, all of these things are part of the process, right, and no one said that. Like the process was easy. I mean, look at everything that it takes to create life, right.

Anne : 9:00

We look at childbirth.

Ahmard: 9:02

Well, look at childbirth that's a process. We look at the planting of a seed into the soil. That process, depending on what you're planting, takes time, it's dirt, it's breaking out of a shell, the caterpillar to a butterfly. That's a process. So we have all of these examples around us nature, life, death, we see it all around us. Yet when it happens to us we're just like well, why is this happening to me and why would God do this? It's like it's part of the process. It's part of the death and renewal.

Ahmard: 9:33

And really, if we want to get really, really deep into this, for you to grow into a new person, the person of yesterday needs to die anyway. So there's a death that happens in the spiritual realm and, of course, there's a death where this person is departed from this life, but that person has not left you. They've left you in the physical form. And I think, when we really look at all of this in totality and can say, what good can come from losing my father, what good can come from the death of my relationship, what good can come from the death of my time with this company, what good can come from the death of losing a child, and all these are painful, painful things. My heart goes out to people who are dealing with that in that time.

Ahmard: 10:28

But there has to come a time when a renewal of your mind, a Romans 12 and two type of situation needs to happen, where you look in the mirror and say all right, god, I'm not strong enough to deal with this on my own. I don't have the mindset to deal with this. Lean out on my own understanding, please. I am tapped out here. Show me, lead me, love me to get on the other side of this and I would implore them to try that out.

Ahmard: 11:02

And you know what, Maybe the first one, two, 10 times. You're just like screw this, I don't wanna do this, Just continue on the path. Yeah Cause I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I will say at the end of the road, it is worth it.

Anne : 11:18

There was a number of lessons just in that. I'd like to sort of just unpack a few of them. I heard mindset. It's hard when you are grieving and you can't see your way out to begin to think of changing your mindset and I like how I think you said when we were chatting previously that you had a petulant child tantrum when you first were going through it. So I think it's good if people recognize and give themselves permission that while they are learning to adapt and grow in another way is what I was hearing you say with, say, the butterfly analogy, that they needed to die to their old life before they can move through and create the life that was meant for. Would that be a fraction of what you were saying there?

Ahmard: 12:20

Yes, and really, if we're really just thinking about it, most people say they want change, right, they want increase, they want more prosperity, more money, more love, more this, more that. Well, the same. You cannot show up and create something new. That goes against creation. You must become more in order to earn more, to get more, right. So, if we're being honest, is that not the old? And can't show up and expect new things? That doesn't make any sense. You have to let go, die, However you want to package it that. You has to go to get something new.

Ahmard: 13:02

So the you who is mourning over that death, the death of you mentally or spiritually in that moment, needs to go so that God can use you and so you can become a new creation. That's the only way this is going to work. You don't show up as the same old you. When someone comes up to you and says, hey, you know, and Bill, whomever, hey, you've changed. What does that mean? You're not the person I once knew, you're a new person, which means what? The old one's gone.

Ahmard: 13:37

So when we take it from that standpoint, we can understand how this thing called life is to be lived. There needs to be a renewal process. We could say daily, weekly, something that doesn't change in you every day. And we just don't see it from that standpoint, because we wake up and it's like that pile of dirty clothes is still sitting over there, you know the bills are still racking up over there, you know the issues that the job are still there. So we think it's like, oh, it's the same, no, a new you has showed up and you need to embrace the new you. And once you understand that, you'll deal with different times of deaths and tragedies in a whole new way, because you'll understand what's that play there, that there is another way to see this and another perspective.

Anne : 14:24

And I think what you said. We in a way all long for change but at the same time we wanna cling to the familiar ways. And it's giving up the familiar ways, and I think COVID demonstrated that beautifully to us. Everybody kept saying they wanted to go back, but go back to what we hadn't quite discovered. What, in air quotes, the new normal was? I don't think there is a new normal, there's just forward movement, a continuation of the growth I love. I think it was one of the quotes that was in Alice in Wonderland, when she's falling down the rabbit hole I use I fall down rabbit holes all the time. I cannot go back to the person I was yesterday because I'm a different person today, and I think that sums up beautifully what you have just said.

Ahmard: 15:21

Absolutely. And, like you said, what is a new normal, like what is normal? Do we want normal? Cause I can you know for all my believers out there, why would you want normal? Like we don't serve a God of normal, we serve a God of abundance, we serve a God of plenty. You know of pouring out, so why would we? Normal is a worldview. Normal is society. Normal is of the earth. We don't serve a God of the earth, we serve a God who's much, much more vast in the blessings that are available to us. I don't want normal, I don't want to be.

Ahmard: 16:03

I mean and most people know me for more than five minutes know I'm not normal, but you weren't created normal. You were created great ball of love giving us and how. All of those things, like all of the greatest attributes, like we are built from some beautiful, some things of beauty. So to say normal is almost disrespect to your creator. That's the way I see this. It's the kind of deeper way of looking at it, but I tend to over -correct on certain things. But I definitely don't like normal, I don't like average, I don't like mediocre. All of those terms to me are disrespect, because I know who created all of us and there's no way any one of us can be average unless we choose to be average, because you weren't created average.

Anne : 16:47

Absolutely. Oh, I love how our conversation goes down the rabbit hole, so thank you for joining me there. We mentioned that your dad died and it was one of those moments in your life. Do you want share about your book?

Ahmard: 17:05

Yes, at the time I had just written Awaken the Baller Within. But what's interesting is Awaken the Baller Within was the book I published that I was gonna share with my father, who died before I could bring him that book. But I am more than enough recapped. The story that happened at the same time when I was bringing him a Wiccan Abala within I am more than enough was built on the conversation I had with God outside the hospital from wanting to bring a Wiccan Abala within him. So I am more than enough, which was my second book, april of 2019, focused on the idea that when my father died, the grieving process for me was interesting and, I have to be honest, almost a little bit self-serving, because I went to God and was like what do you want me to do? He's the guy I can call on when issues arise. That's my moral barometer. I'm in a jam, basically mentally wanting to make certain decisions. How am I supposed to continue on? Because at that time we're talking 33 years old my career was really on the upward trajectory. I'm planes pulling off the runway and it's like I'm going. I was doing pretty well financially. I just bought a home four years before that I was engaged to be married at the time and I was like what do you want me to do with this? And so I was not enough to continue on with life at the level I was doing, and so I'm not enough focuses on the idea of your image.

Ahmard: 18:35

And I always say who or what do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see a winner? And you just got to talk about some people before. It was just like I don't see a child of God because they've rejected that God exists or they've rejected that God is with them. What do you see? Do you see a child of God? Do you see a winner? Do you see an overcomer? Or do you see a loser, a lame, someone to be ashamed of, someone who's not worthy of love? And so I really dive into the idea that who you see in the mirror is going to dictate how you operate in the world. If you see yourself as a lonely loser who should be shameful, well, how are you going to show up at the office? How are you going to show up Activity places at the grocery store? You're probably going to be very moving around, a little bit like an e-or Very slow lethargic, just depressed right when you show up in these different places.

Ahmard: 19:30

And so I like to work with people saying like, hey, what do you love about yourself? There's got to be something Right. There's got to be something Like even if it's just one thing, we build on that one thing, right. You say, well, you know, I like this. I was like, oh, so that brings you joy. So there is joy in your life, there is happiness in your life. Let's build from there, you know, and say, hey, can you correlate this over to this? Can you work with this over here?

Ahmard: 19:55

And so focusing on your images is a big deal, and, of course, looking in the mirror is also an idea of accepting what is and this is very tough for people because a lot of times, especially when you talk about, like childhood trauma, things that happened when you were a child, there's a lot of stuff that happened. It wasn't your fault, but it's your problem. If your mom was abusive and your dad was on the road all the time, well, you're probably going to have some mental issues that were not your fault, but you have to deal with it. And so start with the image. And then, secondarily, is accepting yourself accepting the good, the bad, the ugly, the not so cool. All of that is part of you. It's all your responsibility, but it's not always all your fault. So we have to learn to deal with stuff that happened before. We can have agency, because a lot of what we deal with is childhood. We can admit that as adults, a lot of what we deal with is stuff that happened when we were children.

Ahmard: 20:53

Guess what? We couldn't consent to. Who our parents were, we didn't get to choose that. We didn't get to choose the socioeconomics. We didn't get to choose the race. We didn't get to choose, at that time, the religion. We didn't get to choose anything. We had to just deal with certain things up until, let's just say what, middle teen hood maybe, and even then you're still under the house of these people, but you at least have some agency.

Ahmard: 21:15

You can't really do what you want to do until probably 17, 18 years old. Well, you got nine years of dysfunction that you have to deal with, and so accepting yourself allows you to be like, hey, you know what? This was pretty terrible going when I was younger, but I need to deal with this. Maybe I need to go see a pastor, a counselor, maybe I need to go see a psychiatrist. I may need to get some type of treatment right, but you have to accept the fact that like this is your reality until you do something about it.

Ahmard: 21:47

And, of course, the last one is making the changes needed, the mindful changes. I know I have a problem with alcohol, so I don't need to go to the liquor store. I don't need to keep alcohol in my house. I know I have anger management issues. I need to be able to find a way to calm myself down and de-escalate situations. I need to do that Mindful changes. I'm not making enough to be able to take care of myself. I need to level up career-wise. I need to go get a second job. I need to go do certain things, and that's where a lot of people like you said they want the change without changing.

Ahmard: 22:20

That's not how life works. You don't just get to just snap your fingers. I know the Disney movies and Marvel movies have let you know you can snap stuff into existence and even a secret has some element of that, and all of that's nonsense. You have to wake up and make a change Like I can no longer live like this. It happened with me with my weight loss. It's happened with my father, it's happened with me and some of my relationships, and I'm just like enough, no more of this. We are done with living this way. Why? Because I can't deal with this pain any longer. And when you get to that point, oh, it's almost necessarily done. Because when you get to the point where you say I can't stand the reflection in the mirror, I can't stand the surroundings which I've created, I can't stand living at this low level mentally, financially, spiritually any longer, I have to do something today, and that's when true change happens. And so I'm more than enough focused on a lot of those types of things to get you out of the gutter and get you.

Anne : 23:25

So, when you can accept yourself by looking in the mirror the good, the bad and the ugly, as I heard you said, that is how you start the change when you can recognize that these have been created. They may not be of your making, but you have the choice to be able to change them if you so choose. Going back to that moment when your dad died, it sounds as if you truly fell into your grief. I know you leaned on God, as you said. What else were you going through? What were the challenges and the pain point? Can you go into any of that for the listeners?

Ahmard: 24:13

Yes, the main change was is that I did not know when life hits me. I know I can go to God. I get that Like from a practical standpoint. My father was someone I checked in with multiple times throughout the week and that's no longer available. So I went into somewhat of a tailspin of saying like, ok, who's going to feel that void? Can I continue on in this way? And so my grieving really turned almost into an inspiration, from the standpoint that I was seeking answers to try to fill the gap of what my father had left, or so I thought. So I did. I mean, I got coaches, mentors. I believe I started going back to church a little bit more during that time, but I was definitely trying to find a more worldview, from a practical standpoint, of ways to be able to fill that gap.

Ahmard: 25:11

And there was some guilt involved with the grieving process as well, because naturally I'm first born from the male standpoint and so typically when the oldest male, when the father, dies, the oldest male that's supposed to take charge of the family. But I was so caught up in what was best for me my business, my life, my company and just my career as a whole I decided that my job is going to be to go out and earn as much money, as much resources that was needed, and then come back to the family and say, hey, look what I did, I can take care of more of you, I can do all of these things. And how wrong I was. I walked away from my family. I got married. I think six or eight months later I kind of went off on my own. I picked up some extra jobs and some hustles and just went out there and just was just trying to earn as much as possible.

Ahmard: 26:08

But I have two younger brothers who are 11 and 13 years younger than me. I have a mother and I have an older sister and during that time I didn't check in with them very often. I didn't see how they were doing, honestly, by my actions I didn't care. It wasn't intentional, but it came off very intentional in the sense that I chose earning to say like hey, I don't need to take them on this journey with me, let me just go get it and then, when I reach there, go back and go pick them up and bring them with me instead of taking them along on the journey.

Ahmard: 26:49

And it shattered my family, especially between me and my oldest younger brother. He couldn't stand me like at all. There was a lot of conflict, there was a hole that was left behind in the house by my father not being and I didn't feel it and it took me going through my divorce and now me being alone on the outside looking in, having to show back up on the doorstep to the people who I turned my back, and so that was like a double portion of grief and humility and just love from the standpoint that, like I apologize, I was wrong in the way that I did all of these things and I don't know what it's going to take for us to get back to this Cause. I remember going to my mom's house and just breaking down on her front porch because the brother who was most upset with me was at the door when I showed up there after I got put out of my house.

Ahmard: 27:47

And I don't think there's too many more humbling feelings than having to deal with that in real time that the very person who answers the door when you're on your knees, literally balling out on your mom's front steps and you have nowhere else to go. And that probably was the point where I can literally feel my heart just fall out of my chest and I deserve all of it, but it was a painful and beautiful moment and they got me through it and I'll always love them for that, even though I had abandoned them.

Anne : 28:26

Yeah Well, it sounds as if you were taking I've got to be the head of the household now I've got to earn as much money to help. That sounds like you were taking responsibility, but at the same time as you said you turned your back on your family when they needed you the most, probably for emotional support. At that time as well, you said your grief was very self-serving. Rather than sitting and being with the pain, was that part of I'm going to earn and do whatever I can to help the family? That was your thinking. But was it really an attempt to sidestep the pain that you were in from the grief and the emptiness? I'm just curious.

Ahmard: 29:17

No, and I think you just revealed something and possibly pulled a scab off. They probably needed to be addressed as well. I probably did over extend my hustle to not sit down and deal with the grief, to not sit down and deal with the pain and to be like, all right, I'm going to work my way through this and let me find something to fill the gap of the grief. Instead of praying and going to God, being with my family, being with community and allowing people to pour into me, I was like, don't worry, I'll do this on my own, even really not even really leaning on God, like I'll do this on my own. And we see what happens when we try to do things on our own.

Ahmard: 29:59

And, as you would say, it caused actually more grief because I didn't deal with the initial grief I had those couple of days after. I was really tired, but I was like my dad would want me to get back to work, so let me just go do that. And then I just fell in a rabbit hole to where I was just like very tunnel visioned on this is my hustle, this is what I'm supposed to do and forget everything else. Man, I was like I said, it was as much as I want to say that I was doing it for the family, it was a self-serving element to it as well, which means, was I really doing it for them or was I doing it to compensate for not being there for them emotionally and just in support, coming by and checking on them? We're talking three to four years Just doing me, doing my own thing, and yeah, it's interesting.

Ahmard: 30:56

I've shared this story many times before, but you actually maybe reveal something that I hadn't really focused and dealt with on my own, and now that I'm in a much different state, I can look back at that as the new me and say, man, you really did blow it, but you really didn't learn a lot from it. And a lot of times we can go back and look at scenarios and, if we allow ourselves to truly grieve, how much more revelations can come to us when we sit back and don't try to force things and just say, lord, speak to me, give me the insights that I clearly don't can't comprehend. And I think that that's where I am now and it's a beautiful place.

Anne : 31:45

Yeah, and I think when you can go back and do those reflections, as you've just done, you have that opportunity because there is so much learning that just from grieving alone can give us, and if you didn't get it right the first time, you can look at it as you have just done. What is the gift, what is the opportunity, what is the insight that I can learn from this? And I think that is how our grief heals and teaches us at the same time.

Ahmard: 32:20

Thank you for going there with me, almonde, and thank you for helping me have a new perspective, even on something that I thought I had a full perspective on. It's beautiful to have new context to a former situation and I think you really just helped to educate some people because all these perspectives have been laid out here. In this moment there's someone out there who's trying to figure out what they're going to do with a current loss right now, because I mean, whether you're in Canada, texas or even our brothers and sisters over in Israel, right now I mean there's losses going on a lot. I mean because the world has sort of turned over a lot. We still haven't even figured out all the effects of the COVID stuff as well On the educational system, on our economics, on the mental health.

Ahmard: 33:16

Our teenagers, jesus, like our kids some of them, are not getting on the other side of this, and so I think, with what you just presented, I'm hoping people walk away from this and they start looking at their lives a little bit different, strengthening up their communities right. Get your circle around you, get some people who can love on you, who can pray for you, who can be there in your corner when you are grieving, to where you don't have to fight this battle alone.

Ahmard: 33:43

You're not supposed to do this alone.

Anne : 33:45

No, grief is never an individual alone. You feel alone anyway, but it's not something you can do alone, and that's why a therapist or a grief coach such as myself, we can see the blind spots and we can pose the question. That helps our clients to see them as well. That is what I have learned from sitting where I am, with my clients. Thank you again for going there with us. Now you were a sports analysis person, empowering, and now you've shifted to empowering and mentoring young adults, which is beautiful. How did you manage to shift your focus from sports analysis? Was it easy?

Ahmard: 34:37

Well, it is easy. Because sports is a metaphor for life. We as athletes. Because I'm still an athlete to this day, I'm still an athlete.

Anne : 34:46

I'm still a little jock.

Ahmard: 34:48

I'm still a jock from a small town in Texas with a pen in his hand and a dream. That's still me. I still do work with athletes. I still do work with young adults, but the translation over, because the preparation to be a top athlete is not much different than being to want to go into the real world and do some great and amazing things. So I transitioned from doing that full time but I still dip in it and do some of those things.

Ahmard: 35:13

It's like from a coaching standpoint, I do focus a little bit more on the idea of getting young men to start earning, start earning some money, get into their next stage of manhood.

Ahmard: 35:25

That's important because some of them come out of high school and things and they just don't know what they want to do, and so I look to want to assist them in just that transitional just get a couple of steps. You don't need the whole thing, just a couple of steps Get you on the path and get you moving forward. So I still recently, when we were talking about I was just out of town. I spoke in two different groups of athletes while I was down there and in totalitarian. I would say that probably half the time I was down there was ministry work within a sports arena, so you never actually leave when it comes to sports. But I have loved the fact that the ministry is being brought into a lot of what I do now, because I just can't separate the two from the standpoint of bringing that love that a lot of our youngsters need, whether it's in sports, school, profession activities, anything. They need us more than ever right now and I'm glad God has chosen me to take this path and answer this calling.

Anne : 36:27

So the fact that you focus on young adults is that possibly from when you were 33, you say when your dad died and knowing how you felt in the interim, is that the way you get your passion from, Because you know what it feels like, so you want to help them.

Ahmard: 36:48

I would agree with that statement. I would agree with that statement. One of the things I've learned about myself over time is I want to become the man I needed when I was 17. And I grew up with a father. I grew up with a father, but there were just things that I wish I had an older brother I could share with.

Ahmard: 37:08

It's like some things that I didn't want to share with my father, but I wanted someone who had some wisdom, but not my folks, and so I want to be their resource for my young fellows out there whom I work with who can just open up and share some things with me in that regard, and I mean, crazy enough, I actually have some young ladies out there who are part of the ministry and say I want to talk to an uncle like figure, and I've become the deal for many of them in the ministry.

Ahmard: 37:44

So I want to be that. I believe the generations of youngsters behind us have been lied to by society on so many different levels and I just don't want to stand for it any longer. I think the breakdown of the family is the single most detrimental thing that society could have ever done. And whereas I can't fully fulfill that gap, I can put a little patchwork on there. I can wrap it up with a little bit of surgical tape here and there and I can at least pass that up to hopefully give you the insight to go into life, go into the real world, knowing that the foundation of society is the family. We cannot afford for it to be compromised at any level. And so things of that nature just my guys and leadership, being stoic, pragmatic leaders, standing up and taking responsibility for what they know is to be right it's just something that is just a message that I believe needs to be shared, and the Lord has called me to bring that message, and I'm going to do it.

Anne : 38:51

Sounds wonderful. Armand, thank you. We're almost out of time. As someone who's overcome, it sounds like a lot of personal challenges. What advice would you give to some of our listeners who might be seeking to navigate their own path towards growth and empowerment? Any of the younger listeners out there, young men and young women any of our listeners, what might you say?

Ahmard: 39:21

Get involved with and create a community of people who love. Family is great, and I want you to continue having your family, but I also want you to create a community. I want you to create a community of church members, friends, mentors, advisors. Life is not meant to be lived alone, and COVID was one of those times where they really really wish I had to pull the plug on community. And you need people, you need people and people need you. Become a servant, be a servant leader, be available for others and allow others to pour into you.

Ahmard: 39:56

The greatest thing that could have ever happened for me, aside from my relationship with God, is getting people around me who can pick me up when I have my moments of weakness, who can come through and put hands on me and say look, you don't have to do this alone. Not only let me pray for you, but how can I support you? Right, it's not meant for you to figure this out. It's meant for you to go, share, have some humility and be vulnerable and allow people to love on you and give you what you need to get you out of these holes. When you can do that and just say you know what I'm broken right now and I need some people. You are the greatest blessing to others because you allow them to allow the flow of God to come out of them, and unto you, because you can't do this alone.

Ahmard: 40:42

So the main thing I would say is get your community starting right now. Go join groups, go join a church, go join anywhere where there's a group of righteous, loving people who can give you what you need during your time of trouble, because, guess what? It's coming, and it's coming daily, a lot of times, and you need people you can call and say you know what? Today's one of those days. What do you need? Do you need prayer? Do you need support? Do you need to go out for coffee? Do you need some lunch? Where are you falling short? I got you because why? I love you, you're my brother, you're my sister. I will do for you what is needed in this space. That's the type of people you need around you and that's how you're supposed to live life. So I will say that's the greatest thing you can do outside of getting right with your relationship with God, is go get God's people to surround you and love on you.

Anne : 41:32

Yeah, and that's a beautiful way of helping you begin to heal your grief is being in a community with people that support you. Thank you for saying that. Your book when Can People Get it? It sounds as if it's something that we all need I'm more than enough and something that we need to be saying as a mantra daily.

Ahmard: 42:00

Yes, the newest one that came out in January of 2023, is now what Five steps to get up and create the most of life. It's a book. It's a strategic book, but it definitely has some philosophical. It's very strategic, but it also has some philosophical things in there as well. To just get you in the right mindset.

Ahmard: 42:21

Maybe you've gone through some grief, gone through some troubles, and this is a five step process that starts with flexion, decision, planning, acting and seeking, and it takes all those five steps to get you from point A to point B, because you may have fallen down the wrong rabbit hole, or you may have fallen down a rabbit hole and you can't find a match or a rope.

Ahmard: 42:44

This is your match and your rope to get you out of the hole, and also some good old hands to put down there and pull their brother and sister up out of these dark times. And so now, what is available on 33 different digital platforms? Whatever your favorite bookstore is, all means jump in on that and hopefully, if you have any questions, you can go to booknowwhatcom. Booknowwhatcom get you a free digital copy. My publishers made that available. We'd love for you to also go buy you a copy as well, but in the meantime you can go preview it there and, as always, I'm available to hear out some of the stories, people's brief and some of the issues they have going on, and more than willing to help.

Anne : 43:27

Beautiful, and if anybody wants to come and hear you speak, is that readily available on your website? Or is it more corporations and businesses that you speak to?

Ahmard: 43:40

I'm all over and so on ModVitalcom and ModVital and all the social media platforms I'm available. I've spoken in everything from corporations to conventions to conferences and sometimes just to a small group. I recently spoke to 17 women and it was amazing and I was asked to come out there and we had a very great session. So, whether it's a room of thousands or a room of 12, myself and my company are more than willing to go where we're needed to serve. It's not the amount, it's the account, and that's how our business operates.

Anne : 44:18

Lovely. Well, I'll make sure all that is in the show notes for our listeners too, so they don't have to keep rewinding the podcast. Everything will be there. Well, I've certainly learned a lot from you, and I said at the beginning, I'm humbled and I feel privileged to have had you as a guest on the podcast, and I wanna thank you so much for sharing as much as you did with me, and many blessings to you and the people that you are gonna go out there and touch. So thank you, armand.

Ahmard: 44:57

And I'm grateful and blessed to be part of your podcast and share with your audience and blessings to you and what you've created here, because this is much needed in our society today and I'm grateful to be part of this movement that you're creating right now.

Anne : 45:14

Thank you so much. Well, listeners, as I like to say, that's a wrap. Until next time. I'm Ann. Bye-bye for now. Well, listeners, that indeed is a wrap. Be sure to follow us by clicking on the link and you'll be the first to know when a new episode drops. And if you are feeling inspired, please leave a review. And if you are indeed grieving, please know you don't have to feel alone in your grief, but reach out as a coach. I'm more than happy to chat with you on how coaching can both support you in your chaos and pain Without forcing you to endure your grief-stricken world. You can contact me at ann at understandinggriefcom, or you can visit my website at understandinggrief. I'm Ann. Bye-bye for now.